2005

My first complimentary massage started badly. On entering the treatment area, I was supposed to take off my shoes and replace them with a pair of house sandals. The only problem was that the house didn't have sandals big enough to fit my feet. I had to go barefoot. Still, I was impressed by the serenity of the place - all polished wood, marble and hand-glazed ceramics - the formality and the ritual.

A male attendant showed me the changing rooms and explained in hushed tones about the hot tubs, steam rooms, immersion tanks and saunas, before leaving me to undress. Once I was ready, he took me through a large door into the massage area... where it seemed that the male province had ended. About a dozen smiling masseuses waited to take charge of their clients. It reminded me of the scene at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, when the beautiful, child-like aliens gather around an awestruck Richard Dreyfuss and lead him enthusiastically on his Journey into the Unknown.

Chiva-Som as a whole was that sort of journey for me. My friend George was on her third visit and fully convinced of the benefits of the place, but I had my doubts. Yes, it might be Thailand's top health resort, but health and holiday are not things I mention in the same breath. My last break had been 18 months before, in the Caribbean sunshine of Antigua, where the most taxing thing I did was to choose between a rum punch and a glass of Chablis.

Hotels Hua Hin

Chiva-Som Luxury Health Resort Hua Hin ***** The Chiva-Som is located on the beachfront of the royal resort of Hua Hin, the resort is a beautiful secluded world of its own hidden within 7 acres of lush tropical gardens. With a real sense of privacy, luxury and exclusivity Chiva-Som takes a holistic approach to ones well-being. All the stylish rooms are set in Thai-style pavilions, which provide traditional charm. Most of the rooms boast spectacular views of the Gulf of Thailand. The interiors are decorated in a simple yet elegant style that offers an ideal environment to comfort and soother ones body and mind.

The doubts grew when the 11-hour flight to Bangkok was followed by a two-and-a-half-hour drive in the limo to the unremarkable town of Hua Hin, on the Gulf of Thailand. But they eased more than a little when we pulled into Chiva-Som itself. The resort is beautifully laid out, with rooms set in clusters of Thai-inspired pavilions with outdoor seating areas, all with luscious yet orderly vegetation, surrounding a peaceful lake. There are more rooms in the main building, overlooking the ornamental gardens, the swimming pool, or the ocean.

The communal areas are treated in a similar pared-down, controlled and elegant style, with vistas punctuated by Asian artefacts or a grove of whispering black-stemmed bamboo. Although I don't know the first thing about feng shui, I suspected it was there in bucketloads. Perhaps I would survive here after all.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not entirely gym-shy. I've arrived at middle age in a reasonably fit state thanks to a number of exercise and dietary regimes. These include Pilates, yoga (momentarily), non-extreme cardiovascular activity at the glamorous Peak Club in London's Carlton Tower Hotel and, most recently, running in Hyde Park with Bruce, my trainer, and a reluctant Rhodesian ridgeback named Babe. But the question remained: would I enjoy the total immersion in an exercise-and-diet culture?

The management clearly wanted to know that, too. They gave me a fairly lengthy questionnaire about my health, fitness level and what I hoped to achieve during my stay. Having completed it, I took it to my supervisor. The idea is that the supervisor then fills in your "appointments diary" for the week - massages, classes or one-to-one training sessions in anything from kayaking to flower remedies.

You could go to Chiva-Som and pass your time with nothing more exotic than tennis or golf, or just lazing by the pool. Though I wasn't intending to lift a finger, filling out the form had focused my mind on just how unfit I was. I began to warm to the idea of having little tasters of the huge range of activities on offer just a few feet from my room. I could revisit Pilates or yoga... or learn something new such as t'ai chi. The Chiva-Som approach to health and fitness is a holistic one, involving the mind and the spirit as well as the body. I have to admit to a degree of cynicism about things mystic, but I decided that, being in a part of the world where people were more open-minded, I should see where it all led. I drew the line at only one offer: the three-day detox including colonic irrigation.

I was entitled to one complimentary massage a day, chosen from a Chiva-Som massage, a total body massage aimed at relaxation and lymphatic flow (which I found too light), and a traditional Thai massage, in which force is applied to certain pressure points, muscles and ligaments to restore flexibility and energy.

Lying face down on a futon, while the masseuse used both her hands to hold my ankles, I did begin to wonder what part of her anatomy she was using to apply such force and precise pressure to my unsuspecting inner thighs. But I have to say that I didn't feel that any of the massages I had were strong enough; they were more in keeping with relaxation than remedial therapy.

On the other hand, the physiotherapists and trainers, both male and female, took no prisoners and went about their business in a no-nonsense manner, feigning a poor grasp of German or English when dealing with an unco-operative client.

As it turned out, I wasn't one of those. I'm rather self-conscious and don't feel very comfortable in a class unless I know that I'm good at it, and if you are already well beyond the rest of the group then a class can be a bit of a bore, but it's a good way to get a taste of something. One morning at seven, George and I attended a class in t'ai chi - a gentle, rhythmic series of movements based on Chinese martial arts in which co-ordination and balance are developed. Our instructor, Surachai Wuttivong, was also my personal trainer at Pilates, which I followed daily with the super-stretch class. In this, you simply lie on the floor mat and let him manipulate your body, stretching tendons and muscles to increase flexibility.

In one Pilates session, I saw on the bench next to mine the uber-fashion designer Jil Sander. I recognised her in spite of her Garbo-esque styling: dark glasses, pulled-down baseball cap, and upturned collar on a voluminous, all-enveloping white boiler suit. Though sorely tempted, I resisted the urge to introduce myself. At Chiva-Som, privacy and discretion are paramount.

Each of the exercises and disciplines has its own indoor air-conditioned studio or outdoor pavilion, where individual or group sessions take place throughout the day. The pavilions, built in the Thai style, are mostly open to the elements and, as they are on first-floor level, they seem as if they are in the treetops, adding to the feeling of communing with nature.

Unusually, I wasn't at all bothered by mosquitoes (though I did see unfortunates who had fallen prey). This might have been thanks to the vitamin B2 and the garlic pills I had been taking before arrival, or it could have been down to the liberal amounts of a puréed, roasted garlic spread offered at mealtimes as a substitute for butter on the bread rolls.

I found the breakfasts the best meals. A poached egg, one slice of gluten-free toast, fresh juice and a pot of green tea set me up for the day. Lunch, in the welcome cool of the Emerald Rooms, was also good: a fantastic buffet, with each dish labelled with its calorific content. I began to realise that foods I had previously tucked into with abandon were best taken in moderation. No alcohol was served before 6pm, but an exotic "mocktail" proved a passable companion to lunch.

At night the menu is small but varied and not obviously calorie-conscious, but the absence of any salt takes a little getting used to. Perhaps a hip flask of vodka and a salt cellar should be part of the skinny guest's survival kit.

The ceremony that usually attends evening meals in luxury hotels is missing at Chiva-Som. Guests aren't encouraged to lounge about with nightcaps - which is probably just as well, as you're going to be tired after so much activity during the day and likely to be up with the birds again the next morning.

So it was early to bed, to a room that was not particularly large but comfortable and regularly serviced. A welcome feature of the evenings were the ceramic aromatherapy jars, lit with the guest's choice of fragrance and guaranteed to ensure a restful sleep.

The attention to detail was hugely impressive, as was the service. There was nothing servile about the smiles and bows; staff clearly took great pleasure in their work and were proud to be doing it. As I walked from the beach into the hotel I was greeted by a doorman who ran a tap for me to wash the sand from my feet. At the pool, an attendant materialised out of nowhere with an iced facecloth and a bottle of water. The staff were an all-seeing yet unobtrusive presence.

How, I wondered, did they contact each other between, say, the kitchen and the pool area? It took a while for the penny to drop. That slightly repetitive birdsong, which I sometimes heard when there was not a bird in sight, was in fact the ingenious ringtone of the staff phones.